Got this sugar in me all stuffed up in my sleeve
And I'll talk of ponies and rainbows and things
and I'm just who you want me to be.
But like most of the creatures down here on the ground
I'm composed of the elements, moving around, and I grow and change and I shift and I switch
and it turns out I'm actually kind of a b!$*# ".
- Sara Bareilles, "Sweet As Whole".
Yet another song made me for me! I decided to open with this song on this fine morning because as happens most mornings, I experienced some crazy, intense road rage.
First of all, I will never understand the driver who is never in a hurry. Really?!?! You have NOTHING pressing in your life today?? Or ANY DAY?!?! This driver not only does not go the speed limit, he typically goes 10 miles an hour under. And... I am convinced he laughs maniacally to himself while you are stuck behind him for 5 miles. I have a picture in my head of this guy. He is the guy who controls everything in his life- from his early morning drive, to his Burger King breakfast with his buddies, to his trip to Menard's to find the cheapest lawn sprinkler. Then he stops by the local steakhouse for the early bird special where he demands perfection from the waitress and then refuses to leave a tip. Then back home, laughing all the way at the crazy blond cussing at him in the Nissan Armada. BAH!
Then there is the "Semi trap". I am not gonna lie here. This is the situation in which I completely lose my mind. In fact, I have said more than once that I am so glad there is not a video camera in my car, because if there was, I would be arrested for terroristic threats. This trap is total and complete crap. These guys are bored and tired and so they amuse themselves by lining up perfectly so that when you try to pass them, they quickly shift and box you in. All the while knowing that they've GOTCHA! Then they laugh maniacally (Yes, all jack wads on the road laugh maniacally- don't kid yourself) and call each other on their Cb's saying things like, "Did you see her face? HAHAHAHAHA! Let's keep her here for a good 15 minutes and see if we can get her to go postal!!!".
Now don't worry guys, I am not man bashing here because I will readily admit that women can be even worse. Because they can be passive aggressive in their tactics. AND they fool you with their sweet faces in the beginning... waving you through the stop sign. But then they turn on you! Something happens and they decide you have wronged them somehow with your wrong turn signal or failure to "thank you wave" and then IT"S ON! They will cut you off, swerve into the lane you're trying to pass them in, and tailgate you til the cows come home. All the while, keeping a serene look on their face. How do I know this? Because this is me.
So... the take home message is, do not make the Cows and Couture lady mad because I will make your life hell;)
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